Archive for outubro \09\UTC 2010

Eu já comentei no último post sobre minha nova campanha/sistema voltado para a temática dos filmes de sobrevivência e zumbis. hoje vou publicar um exerto do tratado sobre sobrevivência a zumbis chamado “Zombieland Handbook: Survivalist’s Rules 101“, que, na campanha, foi escrito por um dos personagens, mas na verdade foi o produto de várias aulas mortas de inglês… Aproveitem.

Ah, e um adendo: uma vez um amigo me perguntou se todas as minhas piadas são em inglês por que eu sou ani-patriótico, mas não. Eu tenho muito orgulho do meu país e da minha língua mãe, especialmente. A maioria de minhas piadas é feita em inglês por que, além de me ajudar a treinar meu inglês, eu acho que nesta língua fica mais fácil de fazer “trocadalhos do carilho”.

A lista está sujeita a adições e alterações ao longo do tempo, por que todo bom sobrevivente sabe que o importante é se adaptar ao ambiente.


Zombieland Handbook: Survivalist’s Rules 101

1st: Always remember the 4F’s: “Fat Folks Fall First“.

2nd: You can never be too sure. Always double-tap them zombies’ heads.

3rd: Every automobile is a walking fear cage, so, allways remember the CLICK:

  • Check the backseat for undead hitchhickers;
  • Lock da doors, hide yo’ wife, hide yo’ kids, hide yo’ dog, perv undead’s in da house;
  • Ignore speed limits. This is Zombieland, not fucking Disneyland;
  • Check the gas and tires. You don’t want no highway surprises;
  • Keys are NOT for suckas. Keep’em close and handy.

4th: Yeah, we know you pwn’d them n00bs, but keep your moonwalk  for the safe house. Nobody likes trolling showoffs. Specially they zombies.  Asshole.

5th: Your limbs may be cute, but they’re disposable. Zombie bites you, chop it off rightaway.

6th: BYOBFF: Bring Your Own Beer, Food & Firearms.

7th: Movement must be cautious. Like the tortoise, slow and steady.

8th: Zombies have no heart. No, really, I’m serious: aim for the head or they won’t die.

9th: If tou ain’t got nothing else, you can always count on the sunlight as your shield. Some zombies may even walk underneath it, but they’ll be easier to spot and avoid.

10th: Once you find a possible survivor, don’t shoot: just yell “Marco!“. If he doesn’t reply “Polo!“, THEN you shoot. Beware of this rule, cuz’ it could safe your ass from friendly fire, annoying surviving history teachers, eloquent preachers and that former pornstar zombie. Yeah, I know she’s hot, single and have allways been brainless, but she’s still a zombie nevertheless.

11th: Know your enemy: beware of zombies’ speed, aversions, atractions and motion/behavior patterns.

12th: “Eye of the Tiger” my ass; the real winner is who dies last.

13th: Love is cool and all, but if you plan to survive and keep straight, you better learn the value of solo love, if y’know what I mean. There aren’t many female survivors, and most of them are lesbians.

14th: NEVER underestimate the value of a clean toillet.

15th: You should’ve learnt it already:

crowbar = machete > baseball bat > pistol > shotgun > that Rambo’s gun


Read Full Post »